this whole feeling bad and sick to the stomach is coming back to me again..
when i tot that life was going well..
things had to jus take a turn..
and when these aweful-look back at the past-irritatin-F up- feeling comes to me..
its times like these when i just feel like being gone..
gone from the world..

people say..
dun look back..
look ahead and move on...
i tot i did...
i felt like i did...
coz i was having fun with life...
but FUCKING shit had to happen...
this STUPID mind had to think of things again..
and this FREAKING heart had to feel the pity n sympathy..
sometimes i just wish i've got no heart...
so that i can stop making myself suffer..
y does all this gotta happen??????
i need someone rite now..
anyone...
i feel like i'm going to break into pieces..
i think i've hid too much of myself from everyone...
and i'm a walking time bomb...
i'm exploding rite now...
into million of pieces...
why does SHIT happen all the time??
at the wrong time....
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

mind the language of the girl people..
she's sorry...
she's starting to crack up like shit...
F....F....F
and this morning...
bumping into a fren..
made me think of him...
how do u think he's doing??
is he fine??
is he alright??

and then...
unfortunately...
i had to hear sth which i dun want to..
which i always hope never to..
the blood being is dating someone i know..
and if its sth good..
obviously i'll say sth good..
but...
i'm sorry..
i cant say anything positive abt this..
and i told u what i tot..
i cant force u to do things u dun want to..
and what am i suppose to say????
i cant seem to put words into phrases anymore...

plus...
the final straw came..
mind was all over the place..
couldn't even concentrate during dance prac...
ended up doing STUPID things..
and just losing myself..
just losing my ground...

once again..
is silence really worth it??
*GAWD*
fuck....
shit...
i hope tmr is a new day...
a new hope..
n all these will just go off my mind...

*dear god...
please give me the strength...
i need it...
i need you...
please...*