let me tell you a story...
of the most CLUMSY and BLUR girl ever..
there was the teacher and the student..
the student was getting onto the nerves of the teacher..
with all his screamin and tantrums..
so as usual..
when the student is all stressed and anxious..
the teacher will place him inside the QUIET ROOM..
and the teacher didnt realise that she was stressed too..
so as they both entered the room..
the teacher closed the door behind her..
the teacher tried to calm him down..
but...
the student was still screaming at the top of his lungs..
so the teacher wanted to get some help..
and INDEED...
she needed HELP...
coz she turned and realised that there was no door handle to open the door..
thus, SHE WAS LOCKED IN THE ROOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahhah....
and little did she realise that the room was sound proof..
that was why it was called the QUIET ROOM!!!!
LOLx....
but it wasn't quiet anymore..
coz the teacher screamed for help as loudly as possible..
and the student also screaming his lungs out...
someone finally came to the rescue..
guess who??
a student himself...
HAHAAHHAH...
and so that was the most STUPIDEST THING that happened to YOURS TRULY TODAY...
i swear i was freaking out in the room...
hahahha...
can u imagine stuck in a room with an autistic child who's stressed????
u wldnt want to be in that situation...
hahhahha....

sometimes...
the little things in life means much more than the big things which are just so hard to come by..
and its the effort that keeps a relationship going..
not just mere feelings...
feelings are just so abstract..
but by showing and portraying what u feel to others...
it easily explains what u are trying so say..
without even having to say a single word..
*action speaks louder than words*

and i really appreciate the lil effort that my darlings make..
i must say that friendships are one of the hardest relations to keep strong...
especially when its a friendship shared by 6 people...
and when everyone of us are just moving on separate paths in our lives...
but i'm thankful tt they have always been there for me..
through all my darkest n brightest hours...
coz its the lil things that u gals do for me..
that makes me cherish every moment we shared together...

i'm soooooooooooooooo TIRED....
tired of travelling all the way from SENG KANG to OUTRAM to QUEENSTOWN..
tired of having to sit in 40mins of train ride..
tired of sleeping in the train...
was knocked out the whole morning...
which made me overslept...
and ended up coming to sch late...
hahahhaha...
*SSHHHHHH*

anyways...
dun really have much to say about my days..
coz its just another MUNDANE week..
as usual...
the days of the week rotates within the same work and no play routine..
and that means...
i've got no life...
but meetin the girls tml!!!
YEAY!!!!!!!!!
i shall try not to be late..
if not my MUSHROOM BUN may end up nagging at me again...

but life goes round when i take it to the floor..
and yesterday's dance prac was not really good...
cikgu got a little agitated to some extend...
and when he's stressed..
i'll get stress too...
coz i'll start to worry about getting my steps rite..
if not he may just start shooting at me..

*where'd you go
i miss you so
seems like its been forever
since you've been gone
pls come back home*

sometimes..
when you don't expect things to happen..
it does happen..
but when you start expectin and hopin for things to happen..
it just dont...
some ppl may think that things are just happening agst their wishes..
i believe that..
if its meant to happen to you..
it will..

received the most unexpected phone call from the boy..
and i really really appreciate the effort he made..
to talk and clear things up..
even though it took a long time..
but at least he didnt left things hanging..
keeping me in the dark forever...
i told him what i wanted..
what i felt..
what i thought..
i shall give him the credit for being able to talk so maturely..
and not give some shitty excuse..
after the talk..
it definitely..
made me feel so much better..
and i'm sure he was too..
whatever happens from now on...
its a matter of fate..
i'm taking things as it is..
accepting things as what its suppose to be..
*you meant every word that you told me..
i did too..*

and received another unexpected call from the friend..
who sincerely apologised for the misunderstanding that happened..
i know that i dun go straight to the point when it comes to talking abt ppl in my blog..
i dun use names...
i dun even use abbreviations of names..
so sometimes..
ppl get the wrong idea about who i'm talking abt..
or who i'm directing my words to...
but i guess it takes a person who knows me well enough to know who or what i'm talking about..
and when you dun und me from within..
you wont know the real me..
*but i've told you that i dun blame you..
in fact it was a small misund..
just hope that you wont jump to comclusions again k?*

met up with the person whom i've shared close to 6 years of closeness with today..
and surprisingly things when well..
i expected the meet to be as emotional as the previous one..
but i guess things are not always the way that you expect it to be..
and seriously..
i think my life right now is like a big QUESTION MARK...
coz when ppl ask me things..
somehow...
certain things..
i just dunno how to ans..
like i said before..
i do know what i want..
but whether ppl can und what i want..
that's another different story..

hahha...
the girl is just complicated..
so you still think you can handle me??
think again..
i shall say this out loud..
*LOOK AT THE GIRL FROM WITHIN*

was watching the DANCE FLOOR just now at my grand's...
hahhaha...
i swear i was laughin my heart out at some off the participants..
and i must say i applaud those talented bunch...
especially those old participants..
did u see those flips???
did u see the turns??
the climbing over and whatever nots....
hahha...
i still have trouble jumping up the back of my dance partner...
and they, the older people can actually do all that...
the uncle and the auntie pair was very amazing lah...
hahahha...
look so pro...
and did i say there were cute guys in it too??
and did i mention i've got a soft spot for guys who can dance...
(but pls..the straight ones)
was practically arguing with the lil sis..
coz she obviously dun have the same taste as me when it come to guys..
hahhahah...
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH....
*CLAPS*

anyways...
saw my grands again after a few weeks of not seeing them..
i miss them loads..
n my dear grandpa is sick...
*ARGH*
i dun really like to hear it when my elders get sick..
coz they are like the most fragile people..
and i dun like the thought of knowin tt i will lose them one day...
when my maternal grandpa passed away...
i was sad, but i guessed i cld get over it after a few days coz i'm not close to them..
but if anyone from my paternal side were to leave my side one day...
i think it'll take me a long time to get over the loss..
especially if they were my grandparents...
i've build a bond with them like a ring that's bound without an end..
but i guess every thing has got an end to it...
and when the time comes..
i shall know...

weeeeeee...
its another FUN day at dance prac...
only dancing can make me feel calm..
and not think so much..
it makes me forget all my worries..
and all my pain n miseries..
and more importantly...
DANCING IS MY LIFE...
*take it to the floor*

after all the ups and dwns that i've been going thru in r/s..
i've just gotten tired of being committed to someone else..
just not for now i guess..
when the time comes again next time..
i shall look into it...
but rite now...
seriously, i just dun want to be in a r/s now..
i'm scared of getting hurt again..
n i dun want to hurt anyone rite now..
esp those ppl that are just so dear to me..
but it seems like i'm stuck rite now..
i dunno how i shld explain things...
i know what i want..
but when i'm being asked why i dun want to be in a r/s..
i just cant seem to explain myself further...
can i just say..
i dun want to be committed for now??
is that acceptable??

SERIOUSLY....
i dun feel like thinking alr..
i wish i can not think of anything..
i wish my life is planned by someone everyday..
and not me...
who has to do all the thinking..
and plan my day...
i dun want...
really really tired already...
should i say i'm tired of living??
nah...
i enjoy my life..
but i dun enjoy the *tooooot*s that happen along the way..
thankfully, i'm glad that i'm too busy to even care about myself..
seriously..
very very busy..
but sometimes...
u cant deny that at nights before u go to bed..
ur mind start thinking..
n when that happens...
GAWD...
all the NEH-NEHs n BUNS n MUFFIN n CUPCAKES start baking...
*hehhe..peiru its not copied k?*
argh....
u know what i need now??
I NEED A PURE CHOCOLATE from coffee bean...
n i need to DANCE...
i need more of it...
more...

*n i need you...
just you...
who can love me...
but not hurt me...
n whom i can love...
but not hurt u in return..
i just need you around...*

finally...
another sch week has ended..
i dun even want to get started about how TIRING and PHYSICALLY n MENTALLY challenging the week has been..
the children are seriously getting way out of control..
2 teachers being drained to the toes having 8 kids in their power..
and these kids..
test our patience every single day...
now i know how teachers feel every time their students drive them crazy..
but every single day...
its worthwhile seeing them get on our nerves..
coz at the end of everyday..
i know...
i've achieved something...

been sleeping alot on my train rides..
as in SERIOUSLY sleeping..
that i kept on knocking against the glass pane of the side mrt seats..
and i may just suffer from a sprained neck soon...
coz everytime i wake up from my train sleep..
i realised i bended too much..
that my neck feels the strain..
and i'm seriously so tired...
all the baby cryin in the train..
n the uncles n auties talking at the top of their voices...
and the teens making a din..
WTH...
i'm just TIRED...
i need to sleep...
seriously....
the energy has been drained from the girl...
seriously DRAINED!!!!!

and i met the guy..
after long long time..
actually not long..
just that after that chapter in our lives closed..
we kinda took some time off...
and now...
once again..
here we are...
since someone's feeling rich...
he decided to treat me to dinner..
and me???
i'm broke...
seriously BROKE!!!!!!!
thank him many many...
lots of catchin up to do..
hahaha...

girls..i'm missing u girls loads alr..
i shall find a date soon k???
shall go find out ur schedules..
den can find a common day where at least 3-4 of us can be present...
n we shall go girl partyin at some shopping centre..
okie???
okie???

this whole feeling bad and sick to the stomach is coming back to me again..
when i tot that life was going well..
things had to jus take a turn..
and when these aweful-look back at the past-irritatin-F up- feeling comes to me..
its times like these when i just feel like being gone..
gone from the world..

people say..
dun look back..
look ahead and move on...
i tot i did...
i felt like i did...
coz i was having fun with life...
but FUCKING shit had to happen...
this STUPID mind had to think of things again..
and this FREAKING heart had to feel the pity n sympathy..
sometimes i just wish i've got no heart...
so that i can stop making myself suffer..
y does all this gotta happen??????
i need someone rite now..
anyone...
i feel like i'm going to break into pieces..
i think i've hid too much of myself from everyone...
and i'm a walking time bomb...
i'm exploding rite now...
into million of pieces...
why does SHIT happen all the time??
at the wrong time....
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

mind the language of the girl people..
she's sorry...
she's starting to crack up like shit...
F....F....F
and this morning...
bumping into a fren..
made me think of him...
how do u think he's doing??
is he fine??
is he alright??

and then...
unfortunately...
i had to hear sth which i dun want to..
which i always hope never to..
the blood being is dating someone i know..
and if its sth good..
obviously i'll say sth good..
but...
i'm sorry..
i cant say anything positive abt this..
and i told u what i tot..
i cant force u to do things u dun want to..
and what am i suppose to say????
i cant seem to put words into phrases anymore...

plus...
the final straw came..
mind was all over the place..
couldn't even concentrate during dance prac...
ended up doing STUPID things..
and just losing myself..
just losing my ground...

once again..
is silence really worth it??
*GAWD*
fuck....
shit...
i hope tmr is a new day...
a new hope..
n all these will just go off my mind...

*dear god...
please give me the strength...
i need it...
i need you...
please...*

hahaha...okie...this chart really explains my working weeks..
from mondays...to sundays...
that's how i react to the daily changes...

MONDAY...
oh yes...
DUN SPEAK TO ME at the start of work...
coz tt's when i'm super tired...
and super super want to sleep....
and having what u call MONDAY BLUES( so much for blue being my fav colour )...
and every mon...
somehow..
every public transport are SUPER PACK with SUPER KIASU NEH-NEH FROGS...
so its irritating mondays...

TUESDAYS..
still overcoming the monday blues..
and like today...
GAWD....
i was prayin hard that the day wld be over soon...
the kids are seriously BULLYING ME!!!
hahaha...
3 boys n 1 girl VS 1 me...
hahaha....
obviously....
they were so adorable beings...
they stepped all over me...
and still had the cheek to smile and say TEACHER JU in that cute tone..
hahha..CHILDREN!!!

WEDNESDAY....
*GAWD*
tt's like mid-week..
and u're hoping for the day to really past...
but somehow it wont...
the more u look at that stupid clock..
somehow ur eyes seem to be playing tricks on u...
coz it seems like the clock NEVER MOVED!!!!!!!!!!!
and after that...
have to trudge all the way dwn to YEW TEE..
n being in the rush hr of the evenings...
IT SUX EVEN MORE....
coz all the K people..
esp the aunties n uncles...
who LOVES pushing n taking people's empty space...
esp at the JURONG EAST PLATFORM...
where there are like a million people standing there...
all rushing for one thing...
THE TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!
its so not a good day...
hahahaha....

THURSDAY...
still holding on...
but since the work day has to start off so early..
its not good...
hahaha....

FRIDAY...
OH YES!!!!!!
the day which i LOVE THE MOST...
coz it means tt end of work = CELEBRATION!!!
hahaha...
and anticpating for the day to end...
tick-tick-tick..
the clock moves faster den normal..

SATURDAYs n SUNDAYs...
the most ENJOYABLE days of the week...
n tt's the time when i let loose...
YES AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahaha....
but cant escape the nags n whatever nots of the noisy family..
hehehe...

to all the working people...
may u have a good week ahead..
hahahhaa...

once again..
shit happens...
guys...
trying to say that they are able to take all the shit tt happens..
but when it really happens...
can they take it??
one answer...
NO....

so why say that u can when u cant??
i've said it...
stop expecting something out of nothing...
but then...
guys will be guys...
when girls give them hope...
they dun take it seriously...
but when girls just dun give them any signals..
they say girls are arrogant bitches...
whose the NEH-NEH freak???

SHIT HAPPENS...
k????
it always does...
nothing will ever go the way u think it will..
and as for u....
stop telling me u can handle things when u cant...
u think i'm lying??
that's up to u...
i mean it when i say i'm not just the girl next door....
i'm more complicated den u think...
and U....
stop saying that i am disappearing...
when U are the one who'se always disappearing n then appearing sayin crap to me..
AND U....
stop saying that u are heart broken...
i know what u are trying to put across..
in the first place...
it was just a friendship...
u wanted sth out of it...
but when the truth was told...
u start to hide away from me...
and to u...
u've ruin sth that was meant to be so special to me...
its over oki??
over......
whether officially or not...
to me its over..

and to u.....
u were there...
always...
but i didnt notice..
i always tot of u as a fren..
as someone whom i always cld turn to when i am down...
but little did i realise that what i was searching for...
was just rite in front of me...
but isit really going to work out...
we shall pray n see...
u've given me ur understanding..
ur respect...
ur trust..
and more importantly...
u are u...

"RAIN RAIN GO AWAY COME AGAIN ANOTHER DAY...
the daily rain has made me SICK!!!!!
yes...
the flu bug has gotten to me..
plus...
taking over a class of 8 mischievous( n i really mean MISCHIEVOUS ) kids...
made my flu hit its worst..WORST..stage...
*ARGH*
constant *AH-CHOOOOOOOs*...
constant flowing of mucus...
constant sniffing...
and constant NOSE IRRITATION!!!
hahahha....

anyways, i was reading thru some old ladies magazines..
n i found this article which had its title attracting me..
"10 THINGS WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT GUYS"
it was basically questions randomly asked by the ladies..
and it was den anwered by any random guy..
i shall just post some of the q&a which i thought were very very interesting n TRUE!!!

"Why do guys check out other girls even when they have a girlfriend?"
-It is in every guy's hormones to look at something pretty or beautiful. But as long as there is trust, his girl should know that her boyfriend may look at 20 girls, but his heart only belongs to her. -

*GAWD*..if only most guys says such things to their girls..unfortunately, we girls gotta admit that such guys exist like in 1 out of say..a thousand? a million??
and when i read that, i gotta give credit to the man for answering the qns so maturely..
some girls just get all jealous for no reason...
TRUST is important...
and u know when ur guy really loves you...

"How do guys find the money to spend a bomb on video games and gadgets when they are living on only a parental allowance like us girls?"
- Because we dont spend on cosmetics! Guys can buy a game and play it for a long, long time and we save to buy the gadgets too because it makes us feel up-to-date. Plus, we dont spend on clothes either! -

"How do you know if a guy is ready for commitment?"
- He does things for a girl and gives her attention without asking for anything in return. -

"Why do guys always have to be better(at almost anything) than their girlfriends?"
- Not true! Some guys like girlfriends who are better than them in terms of career success and all. But what matters most is love in the relationship. Not pride or ego. -

haha...the above is again very rare..
like how many guys in the world put their ego before anything else???
when it comes to guys..
only one word to describe them all...EGOISTIC...
be it a small bit..or a big bit..
guys definitely have the ego in them..
if not ego..
its their pride...
hahaha....
but there are definitely that bunch of guys who do put all these aside when it comes to loving their girl...
but sometimes...such occurances happen either after SHIT happens..or once in a blue moon...

*its better to be hated by being the person you really are than being liked as the person you're just faking to be*

once again..it happens every year...the computer at home is asking for a REFORMAT...
and i hate doing tt...
coz it means...
ALL FILES LOST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
come on comp..
u cant do this to me...
hahahaha.....
and this is all thanks to my bro and sis..
who keep on doing all the smart things..
and when the comp goes bonkers...
who do they look for???
ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
like *ARGH*

anyway...here i am sitting at the staff lounge of my sch..
came like damn early..
as early as 1030am...
coz its a THURS...
and THURS mean compulsory coming early for all afternoon teachers...
so here i am...
slacking my butt off the comp...
coz i practically have nothing to do..
this is what happens when u dun have a student attached to u...
and all that u do is float around everyday waiting for teachers to be absent so that u will be able to take over their class...

and i dun really favour being in the aftnoon session coz all my other colleagues are in the morning session...
and tt means...
i'm alone..
n being the youngest...
like man, i'm only 19...
while the rest are either reaching their 30...
married...
having a family...
of about to get married...
as for me????
just about to start a life...
ahhahahah....

*I think i've found him...
but i shall not rush things...
i'm not going to make mistakes repeat again..
no no...
not this time...
good things come to those who wait...
and may god protect me..
and show me the right path...*

when my days are getting on my nerves..
i can always count on this one person..
whom i share my blood line with...
to make me laugh my heart, stomach, kidney, liver and whatever nots out...
hahaha...
HE'S my dear BROTHER, SHAFIQ..

he's definitely...
the joker...
the person whom makes me laugh every single day..
today...
here i am online..
there he is too..online with his fren..as in talking on the phone..
and he's friend was asking for another friend's phone number..
and this was what he had to say..

ITS THE FIRST WEEKEND OF THE YEAR!!!!!!!!

and i'm so worn out...
another day at the CC yesterday..
doing routine after routine...
and learning so many new steps..
i was definitely going bonkers yest..

training has taken its peak..
way out of expectations...
with two and half more mths left..
everyone's being pushed to the limits..

sprained wrist shall be felt soon..
torn muscles...
legs and arms and body crying out in pain..
*GAWD*
but if its for dance..
its worth it...

on a more serious note...
i think i ought to start making decisions soon..
waiting is definitely sth tt i DUN WANT to do..
and making others wait..
its also sth i DUN WANT to make others do..
dun push the girl way out of her limits..
her patience is only that much..
and stop playing with the girl's feelings..
guys...
stop it....
dun take her kindness wrongly..
and start assuming all the wrong things...
she believes in sth called fate...
if its meant to be..
its meant to be...
dun hurt urself by expecting sth out of nothing...
guys...
pls..
stop it...

The second day of school has passed..soon it'll be the third..and soon..the first week of JANUARY has passed..

I have just stepped through the doors of my house like a few mins ago..
just met up with my darlings for dinner..
as usual..when we're broke..
we settle for LONG JOHN'S at century square..
and i'm sorry Pei ru..and also to grace n wan wei..
really sorry for making u gals wait so long..
i shall treat u gals to SUNDAEs when i get my next pay k??
for now i'm seriously broke...
yes i am...
and i know i was 51 mins late..hahaha
(PEI RU I DIDNT KNOW WHY THE 1 MIN matter..hahaha)
and u said it so loudly..my friend who was working at the METRO cashier heard u lor!!!
i know i was late..PERIOD...
but my dear mushroom bun..was sooo precise..so i guess 1 min means alot..
and i guess when we girls meet..we create havoc and noises all around..
hahah....
and my mushroom bun just made me realise that awhile was really AWHILE..hahahha

okie...
anyways, that was today..
it was a great way to end my day..
especially since it was a two whole TIRING DAY!!!!!!!!!!
yesterday, first day of school also marks the first day of work..
and getting to meet new kids..
with their very own agenda..
n good luck to me tml..as i will be taking over the three adorable boys..
who turned my first day at work upside dwn..
N TODAY...
FIRST TIME IN THE NEW YEAR..........
i chased after my little boy barefooted...all the way into the boys toilet..
BAREFOOTED!!!!!!!!!!!!
my gosh....that was how upside dwn my day was..hahhaa..till i didnt bother to put on shoes..

and yesterday was also another tiring day at dance prac..
CIKGU made us do stretching excercise...
as in stretching our muscles...
and tearing them as much as we cld...
hahahha...
DAMN PAINFUL LAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and bcoz of all the tiredness...
i slept during my train rides to and from school..
one day i might just oversleep and end up back at seng kang when i'm suppose to stop at outram
hahaha....
n seriously...this week...
its been so tiring..
i didnt bother how i looked at the end of the day..
principal asked me if i'm coping well..
i cant say no can i???
so well...as usual..give a big smile..and say i'm trying to cope still..
hahahha...

*i know i count on them when i'm about to lose myself..they have been with me through almost everything..and no matter how far u guys are..i am and will always keep you close to my heart..all of you are precious beings to me..and i am thankful i found each of you*

I shall begin the year with a positive start..let's see..i shall SMILE more..and continue to be WACKY as always..n stop THINKING too much..hmm...hahhaa...but i will always be myself whenever i want to n wherever i want to..no one can chg one's self but them..

Everyone's having their new year resolutions up..
and reflecting on their sweet and *sour* times in the past year...
Its the new year..
and things have to change for the girl too...
but i guess i've yet to make my new year resolutions..
i shall reflect on the things that has happened to me and try to correct the wrong n be a better me..

let's see...
January - the year started off with my second job as a Cashier at Shop 'n' Save..hahaha..tt's a wacky start for the month..

February - the start of work at the most UNFAVOURABLE job ever..i guess if i was put at the CPF building itself things wld be fine..but then ending up outside the CC with a job tt starts at 2pm and ends at 10pm,at a void deck some more was not my kinda job..DEFINITELY!!

March - this was the most DREADFUL mth..the release of the A's..which ended up making me resitting for it again..WAKAKKAKA...

April - he went into NS..my first time stepping into TEKONG..the boat ride was cool..hahaha..
OOHHH...i was unemployed..hahha..AND..I WENT TO WATCH THE ANUGERAH CONCERT!!hahaha...my first concert of the year..

May - nothing much happen i guess..it was the start of studying..coz i received unaccepted letters from the Uni..so the mth was spend opening up my cupboard n sorting out books n files to start the revision again..

June - the mth was spent back in TPJC having dance practices, preparing ourselves for the upcoming ESPLANADE performance..COOL!!!!!!it was definitely worthwhile..and tt was the mth which i had a night out at the CHALET for the very first time in my life..bcoz it was the BESTIE's bdae!!!!!!

July - 5th JULY marks e day of my ESPLANADE performance n oso my A-lvl oral exams..YESH!!back to back!!!!!!and it was also the start of work as a teacher at Rainbow Centre Balestier School..it was exciting..DEFINITELY!!

August - its the 1 yr anniversary since my grandpa went back to the arms of god..that was also the mth when i my responsibility as a teacher took its peak when i received my first two students..ERVIN n WYE KIAT..tough mth..

September - my first TEACHER's DAY celebration..apart from all the presents i had my first DINNER n DANCE..another cool start of the mth..first time in 19 yrs i celebrated teacher's day as a TEACHER n not a STUDENT...

October - HARI RAYA AIDILFITRI..hahha..the first time in many years..i'm giving out money on hari raya instead of receiving them..hahaha..it was a mth of telling ppl that i cant accept their money coz i'm already working..and also a mth of final revisions as the A's was around the corner..

November - THE A-LEVEL PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!but it was also when i got a chance to meet the SINGAPORE IDOLS upclose!!!!!!!!! my HADY MIRZA!!!!!!!!!!!!!hahahhaha....for a moment the A-levels was forgotten..this was also the mth when my life took a turn..a chapter of my life closed..

December - starting off the mth getting to know new ppl..having loads of FUN n LAUGHTER with friends n more friends..n loads of going out..hahaha..it was a good end for the year..n its the mth when i finally turned 19!!!!!!!!hahhaha...